Vote Republican if …
You have no knowledge of history and suffer from short-term memory loss.
You trust no other source for news but Fox News.
You have never studied the three great religions of the world.
You think the United Nations, The New York Times, the Nobel Peace Prize, fact-checking Web sites and Hollywood are all conspiring against you..
You get your political opinion from unsigned and undocumented forwarded emails.
You believe this country is the sole inheritance of WASPs (White, Anglo-Saxon Protestants).
You think George W. Bush is the best president this country has ever had.
You are so confused that you rah-rahed a war which claimed to help Muslims gain freedom - while hating Muslims and believing the entire religion is made up of extremists.
You or someone you know can live without a monthly Social Security check.
You believe that ALL Muslims are terrorists out to destroy America. News flash: according to a Pew Research Center study in October 2009, the world’s Muslim population is 1.57 billion – one in four persons on Earth. If they are all terrorists out to destroy America, this place would be a parking lot – from sea to shining sea!
You were all gung-ho to change the U.S. Constitution so foreign-born Arnold Schwarzenegger could run for president, but are raising hell because you don’t believe Barack Obama is a U.S. citizen.
You were the first in your family to graduate from elementary school.
You’re convinced Democrats got us into this economic mess.
You don’t give a damn that some people are less fortunate than you.
You believe of all persons of all persuasions you are among The Chosen Few.
You think global warming and endangered species are a joke.
You don’t think you can do anything about the way things are.
You don’t understand that all the benefits and services your local, state and federal governments provide you are supported by taxes.
You are willing to make great sacrifices to be sure your kids get an online degree from Beck U.
You describe yourself with the suffix “phobe.”
You don’t mind that your political party has been hijacked by a bunch of far-right looney tunes.
And, finally, vote Republican if …
You can’t decide who would make the best president in 2012, Sarah Palin, Newt Gingrich or Ron Paul, and you really wish Sheriff Joe would run.