Vote Republican!

Vote Republican if …

You have no knowledge of history and suffer from short-term memory loss.

You trust no other source for news but Fox News.

You have never studied the three great religions of the world.

You think the United Nations, The New York Times, the Nobel Peace Prize, fact-checking Web sites and Hollywood are all conspiring against you..

You get your political opinion from unsigned and undocumented forwarded emails.

You believe this country is the sole inheritance of WASPs (White, Anglo-Saxon Protestants).

You think George W. Bush is the best president this country has ever had.

You are so confused that you rah-rahed a war which claimed to help Muslims gain freedom - while hating Muslims and believing the entire religion is made up of extremists.

You or someone you know can live without a monthly Social Security check.

You believe that ALL Muslims are terrorists out to destroy America. News flash: according to a Pew Research Center study in October 2009, the world’s Muslim population is 1.57 billion – one in four persons on Earth. If they are all terrorists out to destroy America, this place would be a parking lot – from sea to shining sea!

You were all gung-ho to change the U.S. Constitution so foreign-born Arnold Schwarzenegger could run for president, but are raising hell because you don’t believe Barack Obama is a U.S. citizen.

You were the first in your family to graduate from elementary school.

You’re convinced Democrats got us into this economic mess.

You don’t give a damn that some people are less fortunate than you.

You believe of all persons of all persuasions you are among The Chosen Few.

You think global warming and endangered species are a joke.

You don’t think you can do anything about the way things are.

You don’t understand that all the benefits and services your local, state and federal governments provide you are supported by taxes.

You are willing to make great sacrifices to be sure your kids get an online degree from Beck U.

You describe yourself with the suffix “phobe.”

You don’t mind that your political party has been hijacked by a bunch of far-right looney tunes.

And, finally, vote Republican if …

You can’t decide who would make the best president in 2012, Sarah Palin, Newt Gingrich or Ron Paul, and you really wish Sheriff Joe would run.


Sue said...

BJ!! I'm laughing out loud, BUT just think, we do have a minority of people who vote in this country with these exact beliefs, THAT'S SCARY!! Thank God they are a minority...

Infidel753 said...

Vote Republican if:

You believe that Obama raised your taxes when your pay stub shows they clearly went down.

You claim to be an American patriot but display the Confederate flag which represents the greatest act of treason against the United States in its whole history.

You think the era when blacks knew their place (or got lynched) and women couldn't vote was more moral than today.

You think socialism and Communism are the same thing.

You want your children, who will have to compete with their European, Japanese, Chinese, Indian, and Russian contemporaries in a world of lightning-fast scientific and technological progress, to be taught in school that the Earth is 6,000 years old and that Noah's ark is a historical fact.

You believe that government should respect freedom and should ban abortion and homosexuality.

You believe that Eve was led astray by a talking snake, but consider it ridiculous for anyone to believe that Muhammad rode on a flying horse.

You freely use the word "nigger" on your protest signs -- and spell it wrong.

BTW -- "the three great religions of the world"? There are four religions with over 100 million adherents each: Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, and Buddhism. Not that I'd describe any of them as "great".

Sue said...

great additions to the list Infidel!

So much going on, on TV and the blogosphere! Biden is being interviewed by Rachel, fabulous and he makes me feel so much better, Love him!

Masturbating posts... and silverfish just complimented me... so much to read so little time...:-) love you guys!

B.J. said...

Explaining the buzz on “masturbating” posts: Christine O’Donnell, the Tea Party candidate who won the Delaware Republcan Primary Tuesday in her bid for the U.S. Senate appeared as herself in a 1996 MTV program, “Sex in the 90s” and spoke out severak tunes against masturbation. Just the kind of thing the blogosphere loves. View the video HERE

tiny said...

Great post, BJ. So much going on that we never dreamed we would ever see or hear. VP Biden helps me to have more hope concerning the general election.

What kind of debates can these people have with their contenders? They are clueless when it comes to world affairs and government. It seems a wheel came off the wagon and is running slip-shod through chaotic crowds creating a frenzy!

Life is full of surprises! LOL

tnlib said...

WOW! and LOL. LOL. LOL. I went to bed laughing at your list and Infidel's additions. I just hope my laughter doesn't turn into tears.

B.J. said...

I got tired of feeling down, got up this morning, got my coffee and listened to Arlo Guthrie’s “Alice’s Restaurant.” No one can stay down after that! BJ

TAO said...

Glad I stopped by and really enjoyed the laugh....

But you and Infidel are wrong on the religions....

Its Catholics, Baptists, Jews, and Terrorists....ask 10 tea partiers about "hinduism?" You really think they would know?

Vote Republican if you think "libtard" is an actual word....

Frodo, back in the saddle again said...

If you believe that the Constitution of the United States has a Preamble.

If you believe that the demise of a woman delivering a baby after being raped is not a "death panel."

If you believe that it is okay for your kids to be second best.

B.J. said...

TAO: I believe this is your first time to visit, so welcome. I enjoy your comments on other blogs!

Welcome back, Frodo, we sure have missed you!

Shaw Kenawe said...

Vote Republican if you think Sarah Palin, whose income is over $12 million a year is "one of us."

Thanks for a great belly laugh!

Ahab said...

You might be Republican if ... none of the things on this list strike you as bad.

Loved the post!

Malcolm said...

This post was hilarious and truthful. Good point about the world's Musilm population. Here's are two more additions to the list: vote Republican if...

On one hand you think formal education is liberal indocrination, but are OK with the Texas Board of Education rewriting history books to fit the conservative agenda.

You think that a person who utters bumper sticker talking points in a folksy manner, makes up words, and shows a distinct lack of knowledge about history and politics in general would make a great POTUS.