1.06.2009

Need a room for Jan. 20?

It’s always great fun to read my annual Christmas issue of The Waddell Post – sent from friends Alex, Jackie and Seth.

Alex Waddell and I worked together at the Jackson (Miss.) Daily News in the early 80s, and he has been with The Washington Post for many years now.

This year son Seth is a sophomore at William and Mary, and his parents took up beekeeping and ballroom dancing and celebrated their 25th anniversary with an Alaskan cruise.

One of the front-page stories has Alex’s trademark wit. As a public service, I pass along his offer for the Jan. 20 Inaugural festivities:

Change You Can Reside In!

We know what you’re thinking: I want to go to Washington to see history – the inauguration of America’s first African-American president – but I don’t have a place to stay. Well, we have the solution – stay at the Waddells! We have several nice rooms; we’re close to Metro, making it easy to get around; and we give each guest a map to Hank Paulson’s house, so you can lobby for your own personal bailout. Since we’re firm believers in the free market and laws of supply and demand, pricing is still flexible, but the number of Economic Stimulus icons will give you an idea of the approximate cost.

Seth’s room: “The Lincoln Bedroom”

We call it this for two reasons – it’s the nicest guest room in the house, and we often want to shoot the person who usually sleeps there. As part of the inauguration experience, you can participate in several Obama-esque activities that come with the room. For example, when you arrive you get to choose a first dog, to sleep with you during your stay. And then you get to clean up a giant mess left by the previous resident.

Economic Stimulus: 5

The guest room: “The Joe Sixpack”

Maybe “The Linc” is a little too fancy for you. Maybe you’re more the “Joe the Plumber” or “hockey mom” type. In that case, we have a room that’s a little more plain, but also a lot cheaper. Now, we realize that this room may not be everything that you might want, so feel free to exaggerate when talking to friends. To wit:

“It’s an incredible room. We can see the mall from our window.”
“If it’s cold at the inauguration, there are some nice coats that we can wear, and then keep to take home.”
“They tried to talk us into taking the Memorial Bridge to the inauguration, but we said, ‘Thanks, but no thanks’ to that bridge.“

Economic Stimulus: 3

The basement: “The Cheney Dungeon”

OK, not our top-of-the-line accommodations, but we know there’s some of you out there who are going to miss our soon-to-be-ex-president Bush. What better way to bid adieu to the administration that brought us Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo Bay than by spending a few days in a dark, windowless room, harassed by vicious guard dogs. You do have to make certain allowances: No habeas corpus and no closet; no water boarding, but also no bathroom.

Economic Stimulus: 1

I met Alex shortly before his marriage to Jackie and have long valued their friendship – and their great, good humor!

Enjoy the day, guys! And, send me a press kit souvenir!

5 comments:

Papamoka said...

This was too funny!

tom said...

I'd like to book the Cheney Dungeon for some relatives!

Annelle said...

I love it, want to share dungeon with tom, lol.

Tiny said...

Tiny wants the Cheney Dungeon to keep Bush and a bunch of his cronies in until extraordinary renditions can arrange for them in black holes in Bush's favorite foreign countries. I'm sure he will find them legal, moral and comfortable.

No warrentless wiretapping will be necessary as there will be no wires except those attached to their testicles to prove they have the balls to take the same as they handed out to others.

Jay Bybee and John Yoo will be allowed pen and pads to write the memos for the treatments. They will be allowed a few water boards for their comfort and refreshment after long periods of standing on on foot atop boxes for extended periods of time.

After waterboarding is over they can use the water to wash their sooiled silk panties, while they beg Sarah Palin for a walk on that endless bridge to nowhere.

A special invitation furnished to all who want to book the Cheney Dungeon for ex friends and relatives.

FrodoBlairHousekeeper said...

Frodo regrets to inform the prospective tenants that the subject residence is no longer available. The former Prime Minister of Australia will be occupying all available space on one of the nights he will be in Washington. In fact, no space will be available for anyone wishing to participate in the celebration, because the former Prime Minister might want to spend a night wherever any out-of-town guests may be planning to stay.