The GOP Dog-and-Pony Show

PHOTO: From left, Mitt Romney, Sarah Palin, Newt Gingrich, Mike Huckabee and Ron Paul, pictured in the order of their standing as the top 2012 GOP presidential hopefuls, according to a new CNN/Opinion Research poll. (Getty Images)

And now, coming to you live from Fox News, a special event from the Steele, Boehner & McConnell Big Top!

Step right up, ladies and gentlemen, for the price of one vote, we’ll give you that old razzle-dazzle.

In the center ring, she walks, she talks, she crawls on her belly like a reptile … just joking, folks. That sassy tweeter Sarah Palin will astound you with her amazing ocular skills – she once saw Russia from her porch – and she challenges anyone to “refudiate” her ability.

In the side rings, Mitt Romney, Mike Huckabee and Ron Paul. In a sheer test of endurance, they’ll exhibit why they were also-rans in 2008.

Walking the tightrope overhead is Newt Gingrich. Marvel at his ability to balance between moralist and adulterer.

Beep, beep. Here comes the clown car, kiddies. Let’s let The Washington Post’s Eugene Robinson introduce the clowns:

“The Republican Party’s candidate for governor of Colorado believes that bicycle paths are ‘part of a greater strategy to rein in American cities under a United Nations treaty.’ The party’s Senate candidate in Nevada wants to privatize Medicare and Social Security - and has called for the United States to withdraw from the U.N., though not because of the bicycle conspiracy. And the GOP’s Senate candidate in Connecticut once climbed into a professional wrestling ring and kicked a man in the crotch.” (LINK)

Riding the GOP elephants into the ring are a whole host of wonderful wackos. Let’s have a big hand, folks, for Bachman, Inhofe, Kyl, Shelby, DeMint and that crowd-pleaser, Joe “You lie!” Wilson.

(drum roll)

And, now for our big finale, a spectacular event to thrill and chill! That prodigious prevaricator, our hero Dick Cheney has volunteered to be shot through a cannon to an undisclosed location.


Fade to black.

Er, that’s our show for tonight, ladies and gentlemen. Don’t forget to pick up your souvenir programs, T-shirts and copies of that gallivanting gadfly Newt Gingrich’s new book, “Save America: Stopping Obama's Secular-Socialist Machine” and that perennial propagandist Pamela Geller’s “The Post-America Presidency: The Obama Administrtion’s War on America.” We’ve got ‘em, hot off the press, guaranteed to send you into hysteria.

Hope you enjoyed the show. This is Carl Cameron, Fox News, reminding you: don’t believe a word P.T. Barnum said.


Anonymous said...

Lol! Funny post! I can't imagine how this circus will really play out. I guess we will have to wait and see.


Frodo, just clownin' around said...

In the immortal words of Chris Matthews, Frodo says "HA!".

Also appearing is a certain Congresswoman from Tennessee, Rep. Paul Broun from Georgia (whose congressional office is decorated with the heads of the animals he has slaughtered), and Willie Gomer, Frodo's all-time faorite, representing Whacko, Texas.

Tiny.still snickerin' said...


That's Tiny laughing till she cries down her leg at the Big Top! Tell that fat guy on the high-wire to put his little elephant's trunk back inside his "family values" pant's fly! hahahahahahahahahahahaha

That Conn-GOP senate candidate kicked that little elephant 'til it's trunk flopped out.


Folks, it's the funniest show on earth! You don't want to miss it.

tnlib said...

Oh, ho, ho - absolutely hilarious, BJ. There are enough of them out there to put up the tent.

Bill Sumrall said...

As we say in Mississippi, hide the women and children, the Legislature is in town. And as for what passes for the GOP frontrunners these days, "cela va sans dire," IMHO.

Infidel753 said...

Hah. We'd be better off electing a bunch of actual circus clowns.

Don't forget Sharron Angle and Rand Paul (for Paul's act, we reserve the right to not sell tickets to black people). They can step in as understudies when Gingrich gets mauled by the lionesses.

Sue said...

that's fabulous BJ! Damn, what a joke this party of GOOFS is, how pathetic! When you put them all together it's even scary to think some of these morons are, or can be, in leadership positions! The GOP loves the dumbing down of America, that's how they get votes!

Shaw Kenawe said...

Absolutely priceless! Thanks for a much needed laugh.